Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Reasurance and Re-occurance.

So, my first bleed was March 5. Well, March 8 I had an appointment with my OB and I was scheduled for the anatomy ultrasound. Hubs, Noah and I all arrived at the office bright and early. We waited for the ultrasound tech for maybe 15 minutes, not too bad. We went in the room and started peeking at our baby girl. Everything looked good. The tech measured her head, which was normal in size unlike Noah's, (his always measured almost 2 weeks ahead on ultrasound) her belly was perfectly sized, heart looked great, brain was perfect. We saw her yawn several times which was super cute!! The tech measured her femur and, I'm nosey so I had been paying extra close attention to the numbers and percentiles, it measured in the 6th percentile for her gestational age. No big deal, I mean I'm pretty short and hubs has a long torso and average legs. Noah started getting antsy and I let hubs know he could take him out, back to the waiting area and we would be done soon. As soon as the boys left the tech started talking to me. We talked about the bleed and she looked really closely at my placenta. She found a spot where she said the bleed was coming from. She said that it was a sub-amniotic bleed. It was a bleed on the surface of the placenta, the same side as the baby, and therefore was a non-obstructing bleed. All that really means is that this bleed did not put me at risk for a placental abruption. She said that, though these bleeds are not as common, they are usually not problematic and the clot that that forms after the bleed usually dissipates over time. The clot that was left from my bleed was about the size of a small pea.

Next up was my appointment with the OB. I had established care with a group of high risk OBs. I was never considered a high risk patient but I really wanted to see this group because they were pro-VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and that was really something that I wanted. I had an emergency c-section with Noah and while it wasn't that bad it wasn't really pleasant either. Anyway, I waited in the room, alone. The hubs and Noah were walking around the office and looking out the windows. They were watching squirrels and collecting acorns outside. I didn't really want hubs to go to my appointments with me. He doesn't understand a lot of things and there was going to be a lot of information going back and forth between the doctor and I and I just didn't want to overwhelm him or let him feel lost. I guess, I wanted to protect him from this too.

Once the doctor cam in she sat down and we talked about the bleed and what happened. We talked about everything I had done that day and everything I had done the weekend before. I wasn't super active. I didn't go out and run a marathon or try to hike through Wal.Mart. I just did my usual. The doctor gave me the same information as the tech and said that these bleeds are not very common but they are not typically problematic. She said that we would continue to watch the area of the bleed and have another ultrasound in a few weeks. She also mentioned that baby Clara's femur measured small. She started using words like Downs syndrome and other abnormalities. I know they are supposed to tell you all the things that will scare you and prepare you for the worst but honestly I wasn't worried about it. Baby Clara was perfect, created in His image and sent to me to love and protect. I knew she was fine. Like I said, her brain, heart and everything looked great! So, they sent me for blood work and promised to call in a couple of days. The doctor even went so far to tell me that if I didn't hear anything then, I should call in 2 days.

A couple of days passed and I called. The genetics nurse called me back and, 20 minute conversation! long story short, everything was fine. Baby Clara was just a petite girl and was a normal, healthy baby girl. I was so excited by this. For someone to say everything was fine made my day. That was a Tuesday. Tuesday March 14. The next day, I had another bleed at work. I didn't bother to tell anyone. Well, I did tell the other girl I was working with, you know, just in case anything happened. It wasn't as bad as the first one and it seemed to resolve quicker than the first. This time I didn't even have a single cramp like I did with the first. At this point I figured it would just keep happening and I could deal with it. I told myself that if it were ever a bad bleed or if I had clots then I would go straight to the hospital but I didn't want to run to the hospital every time I had a bleed, just to sit, wait and hear that everything looked good. I just prayed for my little girl and told her to hang in there for me. Especially, now at 20 weeks. I needed her to hang in there. We were so close to viability and at that point there was a chance that she could live outside my womb. I prayed. I prayed for her and for me. I prayed that God would take care of us and hold us close.


  1. These must have been heartbreaking to think about... my heart goes out to you and your baby girl above xoxo

  2. Oh SO sad I hate that I know the outcome, I want to cheer you and Clara on as I am reading. I sure thought nothing could happen at 20 weeks it just seemed impossible in my mind. It is really wonderful you are writing it all out even though I know it is hard. Saying a prayer for you tonight my friend.

  3. This absolutely breaks my heart for you.