More than I expected

Phew!! I'm here everyone! No worries. The beginning of this "final semester" has been much more overwhelming than I anticipated. Wow. What a crazy schedule. Okay, so let's recap...

When I last left I was trying to figure out what this semester was going to be about. I've since come to the realization that when the professor repeatedly says "You are responsible for your educational success" she basically means you're on your own and don't expect me to teach. That was even more apparent when I took my first exam of the term last night and only got a 72% when my typical grade is 88-93%. UGH!!! Now I have to focus on recovering from that.

We did have a dosage calc exam last Thursday evening on the 12th. I was a little nervous about that one because of one of the types of questions that required you to titrate a dose. In the end, I knocked it out of the park and got 100%! Yay!

I also had my first hospital day of the term this past Saturday on the 21st. I was so excited and pumped about that. I LOVE bedside nursing and providing patient care!! Well, lets just say that my flame was put out when I was assigned to a gen-med floor where there were no PCTs and most of the patients were stable. I honestly spent the day being the PCT for the unit. I changed linens, took vitals, assisted patients to the bathroom and repositioned several of them. I removed IVs, fetched various snacks and beverages, had a couple of patients try to swindle me into sneaking them ice when they were supposed to be NPO, nothing by mouth, and sent two patients off the floor for procedures.

The day drug on and I just tried to stay busy. I ran into the clinical instructor a couple of times and tried to talk to her to pass the time but she wasn't really helpful. I am so frustrated with my clinical experience!! I know how to do these basic things! What I need to learn is how to program the IV pump, how to assess the bed-bound patient, how to use the EMR and plan out my day as a care provider! These are the things I'm missing. In a way, I can't wait for this program to be over and on the other hand I'm scared because I don't believe I will be prepared because the program has been more of a political game than an actual nurturing educational environment.

Towards the end of the clinical day on Saturday, all of a sudden there were a handful of things to keep busy!! There was a patient on the unit who was very demanding and probably kind of lonely. My partner and I spent a bit of time with her. Well, mostly my partner. She brushed the patient's hair, braided it, essentially gave the patient a bed bath, we both suctioned the patient, and about an hour later finally got out of the room. Hah. Then we got to go work on a patient who was having an unfortunate stay. He ended up getting a rectal tube, poor thing. It's so amazing the kind of medical interventions that are available.

It was a very long day!! Tonight there's a new class and another opportunity to get my you-know-what together and try to excel instead of just make it by. Haha. We'll see how that goes. I'll likely just try not to be a jerk but that's also just a maybe.

Next post will be an update on weight loss and health!!

Thursday!!

Well, maybe not a mid-week report but still an update!! So far this week, I have lost 4lbs! I am beyond excited. This is the start of something great!!

Today is also the day that I start interviewing venues for our 10yr anniversary party! I have a couple of different places in mind. I also need to order a cake, maybe a photographer, and possibly someone to renew our vows!! I am determined to have a much better time than I did at my actual wedding!

One of the places, I am visiting this afternoon and I cannot wait. I feel torn between two different themes. On the one hand I want to have a nice beach-themed party but on the other hand I want to have a nice, classy, fancy, cocktail hour kind of environment. It's definitely fun trying to find the balance.

Tonight is class 3 of 3 for the week. I don't quite feel overwhelmed by the schedule as much as I do the material. I thought that the demand of the schedule would be a bit more exhausting but then again it's just the first week. We'll see how I feel in a couple more weeks, especially once the clinical rotations start and exams start. I won't be able to find my life!!

Well, on to class! Catch up later. :)

Day 2 of 3!

Well.....I didn't get a chance to update last night. It was a long and dragging day. I was completely overwhelmed by all of the information that we went over in class and I tried to get some homework done.

It wasn't the actual content that had me stressed out and ready to run for the hills but more so the intensity of the schedule that we're going to be following. Just the simple thought that I will be spending three out of five night a week at school, making a trip to a separate campus on another weeknight AND trekking to the hospital on one of my weekend days just has me awestruck.

What is my life?!? What am I going to do? How am I going to make sure the house is clean? How am I going to cook dinners or find time for laundry? When do I study? Take a shower? Play with the kids? I am going to lose my mind!!

On top of the crazy schedule, they also requested that we attend a review class in April. The class is Monday through Thursday ALL DAY!!! How completely ridiculous!! I have a two week vacation scheduled in June! I don't have 32 extra hours of PTO to take off to attend this review!

I wanted to scream on more than one occasion last night. I also tried to be my normal, participating, over-responsive self but about an hour in I was asked to stop answering questions. I suppose it was a good thing and a bad thing. It was good because then I can kind of tune out the rest of the lecture because the Prof is less likely to call on me because she thinks I'm "an insufferable know it all" but bad because of the same. Screwed either way. :(

I got home last night close to 9pm and when I came in both kids were still awake! Ahhhhhhhh!!! Oh, and guess who was in bed?! Hmmmmmm. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is such a temporary season. There's only 16 weeks left and then I am done until I start my Master's work in August.

Time to focus on the light that is increasing at the end of this tunnel. I need to take a moment to breathe and enjoy this experience! I will make it through this. I will survive. I will THRIVE! I will SUCCEED!!

Here's to another night of fun and learning!! Tomorrow's update will include my mid-week weight loss report!

Oh!!!! Back to School! Back to School!

Today is the first day back to school!! 16 weeks and I am done!! This first 8 weeks promises to be extremely rigorous! First class is tonight followed by class tomorrow night and the night after! No word yet on if there are any commitments this weekend. First exam is a week from Thursday and then every Monday night! Saturday clinical starts on the 21st and run through the end of February when we have an exam on Saturday followed by the final a mere 2 days later.

I swear, if I last through the first 8 weeks, the last 8 will be a breeze! I'm confident in my skills and my ability to complete assignments but I'm worried about all of the exams. I barely have time to update my blog and manage my life. I sure as hell don't have hours upon hours of free time to try to learn something I'm unfamiliar with. I'm sure that the concepts are nothing new but damn, trying to feed the answers "by the book" are so different from "real-life" situations. The book is always so ideal.

Tonight I will find out more about the rest of the semester and I will update more in the future!!

In other news, I'm still fighting the desire to go to the gym. Ugh! I feel like I'm dying to go but with my work schedule, I don't think I'll ever make it. Plus, when I do have free time and I'm home I just want to stay there.

I'm preparing to do an 8-day challenge in February with the amazing supplements that I've been using. The 8-day challenge is so fun. It's like a cleanse and a kick starter! Guaranteed 8-15lbs gone!!

I created My Journey to Health and Happiness in 2017 page on facebook and I plan to open my February challenge to all of my friends on there as well! I will be hosting the challenge and one participant will win $100!! Lots of fun. How can anyone pass up a chance to lose weight AND a chance to win $100?!?

Come back tomorrow for a full report on how class went!

My last free weekend...

Yep, this is it. My last free weekend until April! Classes start next week. Clinical rotations start the week after. Then my state exam review course. After all of that fun starts N's soccer season begins. Throw in a couple of birthdays and the need to take a trip to check out a graduate program, I will be running non-stop from now until my vacation in June!!

My school schedule for the next 16 weeks is insane!! I have actual class three nights a week. Exams are on another night each week. I have to go to the hospital to complete clinical hours on Saturdays and I have a separate board review/test prep class.

Somehow I will manage working full time, all of the class demands, paper writing, anniversary planning, soccer practices, meal planning and prep, maintaining the house, and having fun with the kids!! This is my crucible. This is my sink or swim moment. I am so excited!

This weekend was pretty uneventful. I reorganized the kitchen, played outside with the kids, cooked amazing meals, and cleaned everything! We had donuts and dance parties. We blew bubbles in the wind. We played with play-doh and brushed each other's hair. I love being a mom and hanging out with my babies!!

Tonight, in honor of my last relaxed, family meal I am making a full Sunday dinner! The menu includes ham, potatoes, green beans, rolls, gravy, coleslaw, and berry cobbler for dessert. One last hurrah before crunch time hits and we are doing it up BIG!!!

Lucky me though, I have my handy-dandy supplements on deck to power me through my hectic schedule and keep me on the road to health and happiness in 2017!!

My Health and Wellness 2017

As many of you know, I love to be classy and fashionable. You also know that I love eating great food. After three pregnancies, the loss of a child, PTSD, and breastfeeding for over 4 years of my life my weight became a HUGE problem. My defining moment was around February 2016.

It was my first clinical day and I was so excited to be doing what I love and wearing my white uniform!! Well, until I put it on. Somehow between the time I ordered the coveted uniform and two months later when I wore it for the first time, I had gained 20 pounds. I was so uncomfortable and super self conscious. I couldn't sit comfortably while wearing my uniform, and frankly felt like a sausage. It was then that I decided that I'd had enough!

I was done being tired. I was done being disgusted with myself. I was done being a sausage. I started researching and looking for something that I could use to first boost my energy. I preferred an all-natural product and definitely something that didn't give me awful side effects. I tried some green tea supplements but I was jittery, tachycardic, and would get terrible headaches. After a couple of weeks searching and trying product after product. I felt defeated. Then, I found an all-natural supplement that boasted increased energy, rare side effects, and a guarantee of satisfaction that I could NOT argue with.

I bit the bullet and tried it. I started with one and no problems. Then I went to one twice a day, still no problems. I added a vitamin, then a superfood supplement, then a snack shake for when I was driving to class, running to soccer, or stuck in the office for lunch. This combination of supplements made me feel amazing!! I had more energy, no pain, I felt well rested, and I had a great grab and go snack that fit my schedule.

I soon realized that not only was I feeling better but I was managing my weight and was beyond ecstatic when I lost 40 pounds after only about 3 months. I was satisfied, on a roll, and wanted to keep on going. I stopped all of the supplements and wanted to "do it on my own". I have gained back about 10 of those pounds but never fear, I received a brand new box of my favorite supplements and I am ready to get back on my journey to health and happiness!!

I hope you'll join me and follow my journey!! If you're interested in trying the supplements as well, leave a comment or shoot me an email and I will be more than delighted to introduce you!

**Here's to all of us and improving our health and happiness in 2017**

MY 2017!!!

This is the year of ME!! I am so focused on the rays of light shining in my tunnel I can barely express it!!

2017 schedule of events;

January- classes resume!! Term 4
               Receive a super re-stock on my favorite all-natural supplements
               Tell at least 10 of my friends about how great ^^^ those supplements are! and start a health                  and wellness group with them

February- complete my first 30-day challenge and share my results, shout them from the rooftops!!
                 First 8 weeks of Term 4 will be completed

March- 10 year anniversary celebration
             Spring Break
             Clara's 5 year Angelversary
           

April- N's birthday
           Term 4 Final Exam!

May- Graduation!
          State Licensing Exam

June- Summer Break
          Vacation

July- December- Searching for my dream job or a dream residency
                            Family Reunion
                            Everyone's birthday
                            Every other holiday!

So, as you can see, I am packed full of goodness for 2017!! I plan to continue to update this blog as much as I can, especially once school starts! I want to share my health journey with everyone and all of the joy I can!!

Welcome to 2017!!

Wow! I've been gone from the blogging world for far too long!! This year promises to be a very prosperous one full of changes, advances, hope, and new beginnings. I am looking forward to sharing this year with all of you and will update my profile as well as my family role call soon!!

Lots of love,
Victoria

A day in the Life!!

Monday was one of the busiest days I've had in a while!! Hubs and I took the day off because we had an appointment to get our passport applications processed. That was an adventure all in itself. Apparently you can't use a credit card to pay for certain parts of the application fees. I was afraid that they might cancel out appointment or ask us to reschedule for a time when we had a check or money order to cover the non-credit approved fees. UGH! In the end everything was just fine but I definitely think I was nervous about getting it completed.

Oops, I missed just about the whole day and jumped ahead to the most exciting part!! The morning started out nice. We all got up in a nice calm manner. I cooked breakfast for everyone, took a shower, fixed my hair and made sure I had all of our documents for the day organized.  First up Noah had his annual physical appt. He did great and passed with flying colors!! After that we ran over to the dentist office! Hubs and Noah had appts with the new dentist. Let me just say, I was very unsure about the dentist. I mean, yes he had great reviews but there were just some things that I wasn't a big fan of. He did great with Noah and the thing that sealed the deal was that the hubs was impressed with him. Looks like he's a keeper. Noah and I ran home to whip up some lunch and then rushed downtown to the U.S. Passport Agency for our appointments which I've highlighted. After we finished the passport appointments I felt like I could breathe easy. That was the original reason that we even took the day off, since both of us had to be present to apply for Noah's passport.

We came home and took the time to rest for about 10 minutes before we headed out the door and off to another appointment. Noah had his eyes checked. It was a good experience. I'll give him credit, we had a full day and he was just a little antsy during the eye exam. It wasn't too bad. The optometrist was really nice too. Noah checked out perfectly with 20/20 vision and no need for glasses! Woohoo!! We headed out from our appointment feeling really well and whaat better way to top off our family run around day? A trip to the gym, of course. All three of us hit the gym to get in our cardio for the day and then retired to the house for the evening.

What a great fun filled day!!

My life today.

My life today is something new that I think I'm going to start doing. It is just a random post about what I did today and how I've been feeling. Overall I've felt well. Really well, in fact. Somedays I even seem to forget that I am who I am and that my life has gone down a path that I never ever thought it would. Then, I feel guilty. I feel bad that I didn't think of baby Clara the other day or when I was driving to lunch. I feel sad that I don't have the hope of my daughters love, the anticipation of her arrival or the joy of pregnancy. Today I felt like a train wreck. Well, it started yesterday...

Yesterday was my first full day back at work since Clara was born. I was actually really excited to be there and to be going back to my normal schedule. Getting back to normalcy! I woke up early, got everything ready, got Noah ready and out the door we went. It was such a good morning, in fact, that even Noah was in a good cooperative mood. He had a great morning and when I dropped him off at school he even went right in to playing with his friends and told be good bye, have a great day, I'll see you soon and I love you. He had a good morning! I felt so good in fact, I tried to listed to Evanescence My Immortal. I've always loved that song but after losing Clara I couldn't bear to hear the lyrics.

"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone


These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase"

Truer words were never spoken. I know it's more of a break up song but Lord how those words pierce my heart. I thought that since it was such a good day, that I may be strong enough to listen to it. Well, I wasn't. I cried a little and quickly changed the song. I wanted my good day, and so I pressed on. I had a good morning, a great morning!! Around lunchtime I got a call from the school saying that Noah was in trouble. I don't know what happened but Noah had hit another child, multiple times on his back. Some how Noah was sitting on a kid and just going to town on him. I was shocked! I don't even think I had time to be angry at Noah. I was just shocked. They put him on the phone with me and I talked to him. They let him stay the rest of the day at school and he seemed fine when I picked him up.

Yesterday really stressed me out. I mean my sweet little boy beat up another kid?!? REALLY?!? Then when I was stressed about that I realized that I was also stressed out about baby Clara. Stressed and overwhelmed by everything! Funny thing was, two days ago I was just fine! I had my 6 week postpartum check up with Dr. T. She suggested ordering all of the blood clotting factor tests for me. I was great. I even laughed it off when she said that I may have PTSD. Today, I'm not so sure.

All day I had this feeling of impending doom. My arm and my back have been burning and achy. Maybe it was just my stress or tension getting to me. I was so worried about it I ran to my cardiologist, Dr. W, who was very gentle with me. He smiled and said I was okay. Still, the pain and the sadness continues. I couldn't even fake it at work, everyone knew I was down and I couldn't talk to my best friend without crying and I'm not a crying person. I AM STRONG! I don't cry over the loss of my daughter I cry over the loss of her future. I don't cry because I'm hurt, I cry because I'm scared but no matter why I cry I don't do it for other people and certainly not at work! Today I couldn't hold it back. Then, tonight I got home and I can't seem to do anything. I didn't cook dinner. I didn't do any laundry. I didn't even stay at Noah's baseball game. He didn't feel well and I didn't want to push him to stay because I didn't feel well either. My back, shoulder and chest still burn and I'm sad. I went outside to check on the hubs and Noah since they were out there and on my way back in through the garage I just started crying. I cried and I cried. When does this get easier?!? Does the pain fade?! Yesterday I talked to my husband about trying again and future pregnancies but today I don't want any more babies. I don't want to be pregnant, ever. I want to be normal, to feel normal. I want to control my emotions again and I want to live my life but in my life today, I'm not doing that. I'm back at day one and I am a mess...